Tool # 1 - Surrender
Tool # 1 is simple yet one of the hardest tools to master. To surrender.
Grief has no end. Grief asks us to flow and shift with lessons gifted after the loss. Grief patiently sits with us as we hold on and waits for the release. For it is in the release; in the surrender that we receive the gift. Grief does not end as lessons in love are forever emerging and evolving and because the love relationship that sparked the grief never ends. Love never dies and so when we lose one we love grief comes in as a companion to sit with us as we naviagate the new relationship of love. When we let go we allow the space for our soul to lay open and release also. A released soul is the fertile playground for intuition, magic, love lessons and soul expansion.
To surrender. How the f**k do I do that when I so desperately want to hold on?
For me the surrender has come as a series of letting go. Slowly releasing piece by piece. On the outside it may look to others as if nothing is changing as surrender is silent and slow.
The surrender is different to acceptance. A stage in the grief process is the acceptance that your loved one is gone. A necessary and hard step - acceptance for me took much longer than I expected and I learnt it cannot be rushed as it arrives when you are ready. Acceptance begins in the mind, travels through the body and into the heart. Surrender is soul business. Each act of surrender opens the soul to lessons and expansion.
On the days that you can, release a little. Let go with breath and feel yourself breathe deeper than you were able to before. Visualize the release and surrender - watch it flow or float away. Release the tight grip around your heart. As you let go place love and white light energy in to fill the place. The trick is, allow the release to hold. On the next day you feel the depth of loss try to not pull all you have released back into being. Let it be. Let yourself be changed and remember you are not losing anything - you are simply releasing.
Tool # 2 - Sage Appreciation
The love that sits at the heart of grief never dies, so how do we continue to let love grow when the loss has arrived and the love we knew has now shifted away from earth bound easy to see love? For me it sits in appreciation. Holding the vibration of the essence of Sage has meant my love grows and the learning continues.
Many moons have waxed and waned since Sage passed and he is present in my dreams, my memories and in my prayers. I breathe life into the lessons learnt through loving him. I try to be patient, but try I still must as I am not. I try to believe in my impossible dreams and on the stronger days I breathe life into them. I remember to sit and listen even if I don’t understand and I am working at meeting people where they are at rather than asking them to always come to meet me. Most of all I am learning about love. Love shared with others, love for self, and the love that never dies between souls.
Lessons in love are taught every day. I am learning (again and again!) to turn up to the class and to be open to learn. I am thankful that some lessons and wisdom was granted before Sage passed so that I could be in earth-time with him and enjoy the deepening of our love and understanding. Some days I am sad that so much of my learning has come due to the shift taking place after Sage left. On those days I remind myself that I am still with Sage and him with me. We have simply moved away from each other and into different classrooms. My greatest wish would be a big squeezy hug from Sage. I wish this some nights before I sleep. In the land of dreams Sage has appeared and offered me a hug. I gladly receive.
How can you bring appreciation of your loved one into your present day? What qualities are they still vibrating in your energy? Feel into all they gave and say thank you.
Tool # 3 - The Other Mother
The capacity of the heart is forever a mystery and a wonder to me.
When I became a mother it felt like my heart was not only inside me but was now living just outside my chest, vulnerable. I know this to be the common heart of a mother, our hearts are no longer just our own, but of our child/children.
When Sage died it felt like my heart shattered.....smashed wide open. My initial fear was that I would never be able to love again, that my heart would be permanently broken. Little did I know that my broken heart had capacity beyond my imaginings. A broken heart can never be closed as the light and love enters through the cracks.
On days I feel lost or sad I extend my heart out to mothers. We are so many and we all wander about with our hearts sitting outside our chests. I connect to mother heart energy, to my mother, to the mothers who have lost their child in violence, or war, or disease or the accident that should never have happened. I remind myself of the awe inspiring capacity for love of a mothers heart and I remind myself that even though Sage is gone my heart is still beating.
"All the love you have for me, give it to the world" Sage said (heard in meditation months after his passing)
Today, choose a mother who has gifted you love and send her blessings and love in return. Today, choose mothers you do not know who are having difficult times carrying the weight of raising children or the grief of loss and send them blessings and strength to stay tuned to the unconditional love available to all mothers.